When the only thing left is a pair of dirty Converse

What do you do? Throw them in the washing machine? I tried that but could not notice any difference. In all honesty the Converse sneakers were not the only thing left when our daughter moved out to create a life on her own in the big city. But this is how it felt in my heart when I came back home after having helped her move. It was in the middle of the night and her Dad was with our friends at our summer cottage and I had no shoulder to cry on. If I felt this much sorrow in a quite normal and ordinary situation how excruciatingly horrible must it not be to have to say goodbye to your family not knowing if you will ever see them again?

Now two adults and two cats in the household is the new normal and I have wild dreams about how I will transform the daughters old room into a walk in closet, a sanctuary, a library, a meditation room, a boudoir or then none of these. I want her to feel welcome whenever she visits us so the room has gone from sort of empty to storage room for our old kitchen table and chairs. Ehem, not very welcoming when I come to think about it.

This is the end of one era and the beginning of a new one. Most of the sorrow work was done last summer and the transition into this life of twosomeness (I know, it is probably not a real word) has gone better than I anticipated. My husband still refuses to go into his daughters room while I shamelessly use her old mirror (best mirror in the house) when I choose clothes in the morning. Instead I feel that our conversations on the phone are more meaningful and longer than the previous “what’s for dinner” ones that usually ended quite abruptly.

But worry never leaves us. Indeed I worry less for my daughter, I know she can take care of herself, instead it’s my Mum that occupies my thoughts. She is one feisty woman but also very fragile. The good thing is that we talk much more often on the phone and I feel so grateful that we have an uncomplicated relationship with each other. Much the same as with my own daughter. Grateful for being a Mum, grateful for having a Mum.

My Magic Monday was changed into a Fabulous Friday so I chose to be writing my first blog post in a long time in one of my favorite cafés, Tiirikkala. There I enjoyed what was left of one of the gift cards that I got from my fantastic colleagues from work as a birthday gift.  They sure know what I enjoy  – sitting in cafés and books 🙂 even if I did not read any books this time, but merely was indulging in mud cakes and hot chocolate!

Tiirikkala Tiirikkala-round2
Enjoying the first part of the gift card  Enjoying the second part this Friday
back in August
Tiirikkala-environment
Up in the second floor of Tiirikkala
RefugeesWelcome TreatySeries
On my way to work… I passed these two ‘signs’

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2 thoughts on “When the only thing left is a pair of dirty Converse

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  1. A poignant and reflective piece of writing, so heart-felt in many ways. Mother/ daughter relationships/ marriage/ indpendence and dependence/ all part of loving and the transitions of loving. My favourite bit is this “The good thing is that we talk much more often on the phone and I feel so grateful that we have an uncomplicated relationship with each other. Much the same as with my own daughter. Grateful for being a Mum, grateful for having a Mum.” That for me is precious. ❤

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